The Post I Never Wanted to Write

This post is long overdue and it’s also a post that I never thought I’d write. To all of you who have followed our journey, prayed for us and supported us along the way, this is for you. We owe you this information, albeit late.

When we began our adoption journey over three years ago there was never a question in my mind of “if we adopt”, but rather “when we bring our child home”. I had a couple people ask me if we would we stop the process if we didn’t have a child by a certain date. The answer was always firmly, no. We were in it for the long haul. We were going to see it through. We knew it wasn’t for the faint of heart and we were determined once we started that we were going to be all in. You can’t just “wait and see” with adoption. Intentional steps must be taken. I assure you, there are no complacent adoptive parents out there. Yeah, some peoples’ processes are smoother than others, but many families fought their way to their child. Sadly, it’s just that hard. It takes a toll emotionally, physically, spiritually and financially. You do everything with no guarantees in the end.

Now, even though we were going to see the adoption through, I did pray early on, that God would close the door if it was not what He wanted for our family. I never thought we’d get two and a half years in and have the door closed. This is what happened. There are several things that could have gone differently to change our course. To keep us moving toward a child. But in the end it wasn’t hard to recognize that the path we were on had come to a dead end. I’m not going to go into all the details, but I will divulge that one of the big things that happened to us, was that our agency, For Every Child, in Utah, stopped all communication. We sent certified letters, numerous emails and dozens of phone calls trying to contact them. It’s as though they fell off the face of the earth and we were going to have to start over. We did begin to start over, but there were some other things happening that caused me to lose peace. We took some time to regroup and consider all the circumstances and everything that had transpired, and placed the adoption process on hold.

We grieved. Yes, we grieved for a child that we never met, but one that we prayed for and envisioned in our family. An orphan who needed a family and a home. Robert and I grieved a daughter and one of the boys felt a real loss for a sister that he thought he would be gaining. We had to revisit the topic regularly with the boys, and talk about what happened and why it wasn’t going to be. I struggled with the fact that the boys had been introduced to the idea of adoption and wouldn’t be sad and questioning the final outcome, had we never started the journey.

Ultimately, and especially with the benefit of time, we have peace in the matter. What was supposed to be a good thing, was not turning out and I do not want to force something to happen that isn’t meant to be. God is big enough to take care of the tiniest of details and if we hit roadblock after roadblock then that’s enough confirmation for me.

A heartfelt thank you for your interest in our family and support along the way. We’d like to say that all money that was donated to our adoption fund has been returned. We’ve tied up all the loose ends and are focusing on doing a stellar job raising the three wonderful children that we do have. I said from the beginning that I didn’t want to live with regrets and I’m glad that we gave it a go. We continue to support adoption and wish all families out there in process, all the best. It is a worthy cause!!

Lastly, have a very merry Christmas and Happy New Year!


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